The Duchess of Sussex recently sat down with Oprah Winfrey for “Oprah with Meghan and Harry a CBS primetime special” and spoke about her and Prince Harry’s exit from the royal family, the move’s fallout and more.

“I went to it naively because I didn’t grow up watching the royal family,” Markle, 39, said.

She also reflected on meeting Queen Elizabeth II for the first time. Markle recalled having an opportunity to meet the Queen by chance thanks to a gap in scheduling. “There wasn’t actually a huge formality the first time I met Her Majesty,” she recalled, noting that she was surprised to learn from Harry that certain traditions like curtseying were also performed in private.

Additionally, Markle addressed a rumor that she had made her sister-in-law, Kate Middleton, cry at her and Harry’s wedding over her demands. The Duchess revealed during the special that it was actually Middleton, 39, who actually made her cry. “I don’t think it’s fair to her to get into the details because she apologized,” Markle explained. She added that it was “hard” to get over the incident because “everyone knew in the institution it wasn’t true.”

“Why didn’t they say anything?” Oprah asked the former “Suits” star. “That’s a good question,” Markle responded.

During the discussion, Markle also discussed her inability to speak out about difficulties arising in her life, which she found ironic since she’s been such an advocate for women speaking out. When asked whether she “was silent or silenced,” Markle responded: “The latter.” She continued, pointing out that there is a difference between the royal family and the people who run the royal institution behind-the-scenes. “The Queen has always been wonderful to me,” the former actress said, recalling the monarch gifting her a pair of pearl earrings and a matching necklace. “She was always warm, inviting and really welcoming,” Markle clarified.

Prince Harry and Meghan Markle departed royal life a year ago over. The sit-down with Winfrey is a chance for the couple to explain what led them to quit royal life, citing what they said were the unbearable intrusions and racist attitudes of the British media.

The star remembered feeling worried about her child’s safety due to her treatment by the tabloids. Additionally, the Duchess claimed that there were “concerns and conversations about how dark his skin might be when he’s born.”  Markle is the first person of mixed race, being half-Black, to marry into the royal family. “In the months when I was pregnant, all around the same time, so we have in tandem the conversation of he won’t be given security, he’s not going to be given a title, and also concerns and conversations about how dark his skin might be when he’s born.”

Markle said that she was not privy to such conversations, but that Harry was. She would not reveal who had the conversation with Harry, however, as she felt it would be too “damaging” to do so.

Yet another bombshell came in the form of Markle revealing that she “didn’t want to be alive anymore” during her earlier days as a royal. “Look, I was really ashamed to have to say it at the time and ashamed to have to admit it to Harry especially, but I knew that if I didn’t say that I would do it,” she said. “I just didn’t want to be alive anymore.”

Furthermore, Markle said that she tried to seek help, but was allegedly told by a “senior” member of the institution that her receiving mental health care would reflect poorly on the family.

Ultimately, she turned to a close friend of the late Princess Diana’s, though she continued to have troubling thoughts.